In The Desert Of Seth

By G. B. Marian

Days 12 – 26 of Miew Khem 2015

First, the family member who’s been on her deathbed for the past several weeks just passed away last night. I’m not related to this person legally or by blood; she’s actually cousin Tina’s soon-to-be-mother in law. But that’s close enough to “family” in my book, and my wife and I will be attending her funeral to pay our respects. This situation has been absolutely terrible for Tina’s fiance Goose (which is just a nickname, not his birth name), but it’s been pretty bad for Tina too. Needless to say, they might be pushing back their wedding date. This situation has also been hard for us, mostly because we’ve been worrying about Tina and Goose. It’s also partly because it makes us think of the other person in our family who is currently dying of cancer. That person just happens to be my mother-in-law, and while the doctors believe she may yet live for another 2-3 years, I have to say this is not entirely comforting. There is little else I feel comfortable discussing about this particular issue right now; Tina’s Ma-In-Law’s passing is more than enough for the moment. I pray that Anubis guides this good woman to safety in Duat; that she will be deemed worthy of the Great Hereafter; and that she will spend the rest of eternity in a rocking chair on a porch somewhere in the heaven of her choice (with her ancestors, some lemonade, and a whole passel of cats).

As I mentioned in one of my recent posts (I forget which one), my brother Tony is now living with a woman (or rather, a woman is now living with him). This isn’t a “drop of the hat” kind of thing, it’s actually been in the planning stages for quite some time. But Tony traveled halfway across the globe to meet her in South Korea, and she flew halfway across the world to live with him here in the United States. (She’s not actually a South Korean herself, but is an American teacher who was working in Korea for a while.) People can say whatever they want about online dating, but considering that these two lovebirds were both willing to travel such great distances just to feel each other’s warm embrace, I think they’re going to be just fine. The story of how my wife and I met is repeating itself all over again, but for one of my little brothers instead; and considering that such is how things seem to happen here in LV-426, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. In any case, I’m very happy for the Tonester, and I wish him and his new life partner all the best that life can offer.

“I have been transformed…”

As for my other brother, Patrick, it seems that something new is brewing for him on the horizon as well. Nothing official has been established as of yet, but I can’t help but feel that he will be moving away sometime soon. He’s fresh out of college, and he’s been looking for jobs that are worthy of his degree. Right now it seems to be down between two potential career paths, but he hasn’t made any final decisions just yet. I’m not sure how long it will be before he makes a decision – and it’s not like he’s under any particular time limit – but I’ve been mentally preparing myself for him to move on and start a new life for himself. When this happens (and make no mistake, it will), it will mean that all three members of the LV-426 Tradition will be spread far apart from each other, as if Great Seth were casting us into the wind like pollen. We’ve always known this would happen someday, and I admit that it makes me a little sad. But I trust Big Red to point each of us in all the right directions. If He intends for us to disperse, then we will do so with as much determination and dignity as we can muster. Besides, pollen is one way that plants reproduce. That might be a strange metaphor to use in relation to a God who is sterile, childless, and frankly queer; but there may come a time when Tony and Patrick will both initiate and adopt Typhonian siblings of their own. We might be physically separated by great distances, but we will always be a family in Seth-Typhon.

As for myself, I’m continuing to adjust to my new job, and I think I’m doing pretty well. There are still times when I become so nervous, I feel like my skeleton’s going to jump right out of my skin and start tap-dancing to “T’Ain’t No Sin (To Take Off Your Skin).” This is a much more serious and professional environment than I’ve ever worked in before. It makes me realize how simple my previous jobs actually were in comparison. Sometimes I wonder if anyone around me realizes that I’m not actually an adult; that my 32-year-old body is really just a Halloween costume I wear all year ’round, and that I’m really just a little kid who dreams of teaming up with Godzilla monsters to defeat bad guys. I keep going back and forth between feeling happy, feeling exhausted, and feeling really depressed. What with relatives dying or being near death and horrible madmen butchering people and wiping their countries clean of their own ancestors…There’s just a lot to feel “dark” about this Miew Khem. But there are many good things to think about too – I have to keep reminding myself of that – like the fact that we can keep our house, that my brothers are both about to embark upon some fabulous new journeys, that my cousin’s about to get married…Beneath the ice, all that’s good and green is about to return full-force. And that’s precisely what we’re going to celebrate this Friday the 13th, which will mark the final day of the month of the Black Cat.

“…And by my transformations…”

Adjusting to my new sleep schedule has also been exceedingly difficult, but I find that I actually enjoy being up at 5 in the morning now. I like being up before the Sun rises, for it means I’m conscious when Seth rescues Ra from the jaws of Apophis. I’m there to feel the world shudder as the Son of Nut paints the sky with our Enemy’s blood. I’m still having trouble with the getting to bed earlier part – I’ve only been doing it grudgingly – but I find that I’m generally much more motivated to get out of bed in the mornings. Just making my way to work in darkness, only to have the Sun appear when I arrive at my office…it’s become a religious experience. I find myself saying, “Come on you lazy bastard, get out of bed so you can see Typhon smite Apophis again!” And while I’ve already been thanking Big Red for many years regarding the fact that I wake up at all each morning (i.e., that I haven’t died in my sleep), my morning prayers have become especially important (and powerful) to me now. The day just can’t begin proper unless I have my cup of coffee and thank my Master for helping me and the rest of the world have yet another day to live and breathe.

Here we are, caught between two Friday the Thirteenths…and the Sun is just about to cross the Celestial Equator. This is the darkest hour before the dawn of spring, when the Enemy launches its most terrible attack…But it will fail, just as it always fails. There may be fear and pain and death, but thank the Gods, there is always new hope, new joy, and new life to follow. No matter what the forces of isfet might do, the circle of life will never be broken. By the holy sacrifice of the Good Being, we can live and suffer and heal from our scars in the sure and honest knowledge that there will always be another door, another journey, another horizon. If there is any single prayer I might say to the Great of Strength this night, it is that everyone in this world who is suffering right now might break free from the shells of the past and come forth into being anew. May the holy flame of Ra that burns within each and every one person not be extinguished; may it burn all the more fiercely, may it smoke and fume in glory, and may it rise from within to light the sky at dawn.

“…Others, too, shall be transformed…”

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6 responses to “Days 12 – 26 of Miew Khem 2015

  1. trellia March 11, 2015 at 4:39 am

    “Sometimes I wonder if anyone around me realizes that I’m not actually an adult; that my 32-year-old body is really just a Halloween costume I wear all year ’round.” Haha, that’s a great way to describe what it feels like to be in your thirties, I might have to steal it! It sounds like things are a bit tough for you at the moment. I’m sure all the issues with your family and work life are pretty stressful and making everything seem darker at the moment. But there will be times of light again; try to get some time to yourself and do something relaxing and positive, I find this makes me feel better even when everything else in my life is causing stress. I hope everything eases off for you soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rev. Dragon's Eye March 11, 2015 at 11:14 am

    Please accept my heartfelt condolences to all in the family (YOU especially).

    I have been through many tough situations too. At one time, I could count about eight family-member deaths within a fifteen-to-eighteen-month period. One of them I held in my arms and fed, just like I did her mother years before. She was only one month old when I attended her closed-casket funeral. That was the hardest pain I had ever felt in any funeral. I was her uncle.

    May His-Magesty, Sutekh continue to be your inspiration for inner-strength, through these tough times.

    – Rev. Dragon’s Eye

    Liked by 1 person

  3. katakhanas March 12, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    Oh my, I hope you’re doing what you can to make self-care your top priority. It’s like what flight attendants tell us in the demos for the oxygen masks that get deployed in the case of an emergency: adjust your own first before helping your seatmates. The quickest route to peace is controlled breathing: When I’m feeling anxious, I take full breaths in from my diaphragm to a slow count of 8, hold the breath for a count of 8, and slowly exhale to a count of 8, fully emptying my diaphragm. Repeat the process 4 or 5 times and tell me you’re not as anxious as you were. Instant head-clearer/negative thought-banisher.

    Your prayer in your concluding paragraph was beautiful and attests to your generosity of spirit. Be well and as we stand poised in this season of renewal (which is, astrologically, accompanied by some heavy energies–not just the Solar Eclipse you refer to [on March 20], but the final Uranus-Pluto Square makes its exact hit on March 16…watch the news headlines for more egregious acts of violence, I’m afraid), know that the forces of life can’t be thwarted. May Sekhmet, the Lady of Blades, sever from you all that is false, illusory, and baleful! Sa Sekhem Sahu!

    Like

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