First, on a less important note, I’d like to say that I got to see Mad Max: Fury Road last weekend…and it was absolutely brilliant. As someone whose mother practically raised him on the original Mad Max Trilogy, I found this film to be a perfect addition to the series in every way. An LV-426 analysis of the franchise will be appearing on this website just as soon as I can finish writing it out. (For now, let’s just say I consider these movies to be pure Sethian gold.)
But speaking of LV-426, I now have a much more important announcement to make. Those of you who’ve been following this site for a while now will remember that there are only three of us in this sect: my brothers Tony and Patrick and myself. We started this bizarre little circus of ours in the first place because we’ve never really felt like we “belong” in any other religious category; so instead of joining someone else’s outfit and using their labels and playing by their rules, we just made up our own labels and our own rules instead. It may not be the world’s fastest growing religion or anything like that, but LV-426 is our baby and we’re damned proud of it. What’s more, we think Big Red is proud of it too, and we’re totally comfortable with the idea that our membership totals may never rise above the single digits. The three of us decided a long time ago that if our tradition dies with us, then so be it; Seth’s will be done.
But things have changed; the Big Guy has shown us that the time has now come for LV-426 to grow. We may never reach the double digits, but after tomorrow night, we will no longer be able to say that there are only three of us; He Before Whom The Sky Shakes has reached down with His mighty red hand and chosen someone else to join in on our crazy shenanigans. It warms my heart to say that we have finally found the fourth nomadic wanderer of LV-426; what’s more, I’m proud to say that this amazing individual will be our very first sister in the faith.
Her name is Tina, and I’ve mentioned her before. She’s sort of an adopted cousin of my wife’s. Her mother and my mother-in-law were best friends growing up, so Tina and my wife have been like family since before they can remember. Tina first felt Seth’s presence in her life during our wedding, interestingly enough, and she’s been walking with Him ever since. Tony, Patrick and I figured that she might be one of us from the very start, but as per the LV-426 code, we had to wait a long while to be sure. Then we had to take a vote as to whether we should invite her to join, and the vote had to be unanimous. Naturally, it was…and then the time came for actually inviting her to join. We also had to make it very clear that if Tina chose not to accept this invitation, we would not be disappointed or treat her any differently, and that she could take as long as she needed to think about it. But I guess she didn’t need to take that much time after all; she pretty much made up her mind by the time we finished saying the word, “…join?”
The reason for all of this procedure is because it’s the only way we can feel certain that Seth has actually chosen someone to be one of us. The candidate must have known one or more of us in person for at least one full year; he or she must already have come to Seth by their own reasoning and experience; it must be unanimously agreed by all of us that he or she should be invited; and then he or she must accept out invitation. If all of these criteria are met, we consider it a miracle and a sign that Typhon Himself is backing the candidate. Then the candidate is fully initiated into our priesthood during a ceremony that I won’t describe here (i.e., “Members Only”), except to say that it’s all about the power of words and of names and self-labels in particular.
Tony’s ceremony was held in 2003, but the actual process of determining whether he was meant to be my brother in Seth or not began in 2000. The process wasn’t quite as well thought-out back then as it is now (since I was winging it, with only Seth’s grace to guide me). The process was much more ironed out by the time Patrick came along, but it still moved at a snail’s pace; I first met him in June 2009, but he didn’t become a member until December 2010. In Tina’s case, her candidacy has lasted for roughly three and a half years now. This is partly due to the fact that she lives a bit of a stretch away from us and we only get to see her maybe once a month or so. But it’s also just because this process is meant to be slow. When someone joins LV-426, it’s a lifetime commitment that only continues after death, so it pays for us to take it slow and be absolutely sure we’re doing the right thing when we initiate someone new.
Anyhoo, that’s probably enough exposition for now. But I’m excited for this because there was a time when I never would have imagined that there would be four of us someday (much less three, or even two of us for that matter!). So this weekend is shaping up to be a truly memorable one indeed. Hail Tina! Hail LV-426! And most importantly, Hail Seth-Typhon Almighty!