I realize I’m late to the “party,” but imagine my surprise when I discovered a string of posts yesterday alleging that Hillary Clinton is a “Satanist” and that she ritually consumes cocktails made of breast milk, menstrual blood, and urine as part of a practice called “spirit cooking.” I’ll tell you one thing: I wasn’t surprised at all to find that most of the people making these allegations were citing Infowars.com as their primary source. For those of you who don’t already know, Infowars.com is the official website of Alex Jones, who used to be perversely entertaining when I first heard of him back in the 1990s, but who’s become absolutely intolerable during this current election cycle.
Knights in Setheus, preserve us!
First, I’m pretty sure Hillary Clinton isn’t a Satanist. It’s impossible to be certain of what anybody really believes inside their own head, of course; but I’ve been cruising the scene for a while now, and I’ve never known a practicing Satanist who couldn’t resist sharing their opinions somehow, whether this involves writing on a website under some kind of pseudonym, or going around in public wearing a big honkin’ Sigil of Baphomet on their sleeves (proverbially speaking, in some cases). And honestly, why shouldn’t they? Everybody else gets to be outspoken about their beliefs. With that in mind, I’m pretty damn sure that if Clinton were a Satanist, hard evidence for this would have been uncovered years ago. A sudden rash of blood libel that happens just a few days before Election Day is not very convincing, to say the least.
I might also point out that most Satanists I’ve known are situated somewhere on the libertarian side of the political right. There are definitely some exceptions to this, such as the Satanic Temple (which is socially progressive); but Satanism is still pretty Social Darwinist for the most part, and I have trouble imagining a rich Satanist politician who would willingly promote a bunch of socialist policies (e.g., raising taxes for the rich and investing that money into social programs, etc.) like Clinton does. It’s not absolutely impossible, but I do think it’s damned unlikely (no pun intended). In fact, most of the Satanists I’ve ever known here in the United States tend to vote for the Libertarian Party.
Second, the “spirit cooking” thing is not an actual Satanic ritual. It’s an art project created by an artist named Marina Abramovic. She’s apparently an acquaintance of Tony Podesta, who is the brother of John Podesta, Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager. Tony Podesta sent an email to his brother inviting him to attend a “spirit cooking” party that Abramovic was hosting sometime last year, but John Podesta declined to attend. As for Hillary, she was never an actual recipient in this email chain. So of course, total idiots took all of this to signify that Clinton is digesting female bodily fluids to appease Satan for some reason. (It’s amazing what you can learn from reading a fact-checker website like Snopes.com, isn’t it?)
You know, Ronald Reagan was once in a movie called Bedtime For Bonzo (1951), which was about a chimpanzee. Do you suppose this means that ol’ Ronnie liked to fuck apes? Because that’s pretty much the exact same “logic” that’s being used here. Hell, the “spirit cooking” claim is even less “logical” when you stop to think about it, since Hillary Clinton has never even gone to one of Abramovic’s parties. At least Reagan actually appeared in a movie with a chimp!
Ronnie Reagan in bed with a chimpanzee AND a woman…For shame!!
Lastly, Infowars.com is not a reliable resource for anything, and that goes double for information. Alex Jones is a carnival barker at best and a total psychopath at worst. I’d say that reading his bullshit is like reading the Weekly World News, but that would be an insult to the Weekly World News. Lurid as it may be, that publication is clearly for entertainment purposes only. The whole point to Jones’ racket, however, is to convince people that the insane shit he says is 100% real. And because he’s moderately clever, he inserts little tidbits of truth between his lies. This is just in case any of his fans actually think to fact check any of his claims. They’ll be able to corroborate one or two of them, and then they’ll stop because they’ll think they’ve “seen enough.” Then they’ll accept the rest of his banter as gospel. This is the exact same way that con artists and televangelists manipulate people. If you read or listen to Alex Jones and you believe the insane conclusions that he draws, well I’m sorry, but there’s just no other way to say it: you’re fucking stupid, and I really wish you wouldn’t reproduce!
Even if Hillary Clinton really were a breast-milk guzzlin’ Satanist, I’d still prefer to have her in the Oval Office over Donald Trump. There’s nothing wrong with exercising your freedom of religion or eating a weird diet; as a matter of fact, both of those things are quite American. Unfortunately, the same is true of systemic misogyny, xenophobia, and threatening your political opponents on national television. Given a choice between Clinton’s America and Trump’s, I still say Clinton’s is the sweeter deal.