The Ishtar Gate; a symbol of leaving one state and entering another
The 2000s were really rough on me. By the summer of 2007, I had became a real shut-in. I would even tell my best pal and brother Tony to get lost whenever he invited me to hang out. I figured I’d much rather sit in the dark at home and drink and smoke and rot in the daytime corpse-glow of endless Matlock re-runs. I’m not proud of it, but I even started praying to
Apophis during this period. I was caught in a bizarre love triangle; I developed some unhealthy addictions; I felt alienated from my family; and to top it all off, I was enduring superhuman levels of sleep deprivation. So by the time July 2007 rolled around, I just wanted the Chaos Serpent to eat me. I didn’t want to die; I wanted to not exist. There’s a difference, you see; I didn’t even want to have an afterlife. I just wanted the Backward Face to go ahead and excrete me back into the wellspring of nothingness. I spent that summer – as well as the following autumn – as a human qlipha, an empty shell just itching to be put out of its misery.
My journey back into the world of the living began during the Winter Solstice of 2007, when I had a random opportunity to visit some old friends of mine in Pennsylvania. Visiting the place where Seth-Typhon and I had first made contact ten years previously was just what I needed; it healed my soul to walk in all the places I used to roam when I was still just getting to know Him. When I returned to Texas, my life was still messed up, and there was still plenty of bad juju for me to contend with. (A roommate aimed a gun at my face and threatened me with it at one point.) But for some reason, I could suddenly handle it all much better. It no longer felt that I was hopeless or alone; I felt more and more like I was being guided through a gigantic obstacle course. The pain I experienced then was completely different from the pain I had felt when
Apophis still hounded me. The latter made me fall into inertia and despair; it made me want to hide myself away and rot. This new pain, however, was like stretching a sore muscle that hadn’t been stretched in ages. It made me want to stand up and roar and go down fighting!
One truly wonderful change that began to take root at this time was when I first learned of a redheaded priestess of Ishtar who lived up in Michigan and who thought I was a really interesting person to talk to. I was intrigued by the fact that (1) she was automatically blessed by Seth just for having red hair and (2) she walked with the exact same Goddess I had walked with. First we talked on discussion forums; then we progressed to private messaging; then we graduated to nightly four-hour phone calls. Finally, this woman asked why I didn’t just leave Texas and come to Michigan for a visit. I decided she was right, so I went to visit her…and I never left. In fact, we just started living together. Somehow, we managed to make it work for two and a half years. Then we decided to get married, and the rest is history. I might add that the way in which this new life of mine began to fall into place was absolutely terrifying. Not because it was the biggest gamble I ever took and I’d have nowhere to go if it all went south; but because I knew right from the start that it would work out, and that my future wife and I weren’t entirely in control of what was happening. Do you want to know why I believe in Gods? Because this situation gave me no absolutely no choice, man. By the time the proverbial storm had passed, questioning the existence of Seth-Typhon and Ishtar seemed like questioning the existence of my ass. (I might not be able to see it, but I can sure as hell feel it and know that it’s there.)
Not only did Big Red save me from slowly killing myself, and not only did He deliver me from the rancid state of decay into which I had descended; He healed me and rejuvenated my soul. He helped me to kheper, to transform myself into something better and to become an entirely new creation. I am not the same person I was in early 2009; the G.B. from six and a half years ago was someone else entirely, and the G.B. speaking to you right now would not be speaking at all were it not for the Red Hand of Sutekh. Like Osiris, I died and rose again…and now I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be. My life still has its problems, to be sure, but at least now I have the tools to handle them the way Seth probably would if He were me.
(Well in a certain manner of speaking, Seth is me, and vice versa. But that’s another story.)
However, Great Seth was not alone in working this miracle; Ishtar played a huge part in it as well. Here I was, thinking I’d never hear from the Scarlet Woman again; then She suddenly shows up in my life again, and this time with a priestess who makes me forget all about my woes. To be honest, I mostly experienced this convergence from the Typhonian side, which is why this post discusses Seth more than Ishtar. But my wife experienced it mostly from the Ishtarian angle, and meeting me helped her feel even closer to the Goddess (just as meeting her boosted Typhon’s signal into my brain by at least 500%).