Walpurgisnacht 2005

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Saturday, April 30, 2005: The city of Houston fell under siege to a bizarre sect known only as LV-426. Heads were turned and jaws were dropped as two strapping young lads of Sutekh took to the streets. No slice of pepperoni pizza was safe. No vintage record shop could run. No 1970s folk horror movie could hide. But lo, musical instrument shops had it the worst by far; for Set’s crazed servants did ecstastically hammer on drums, strum on electric guitars, and scream psalms to His Majesty on microphones turned up to 11 in full public view. Never before had such madness been seen or endured by the community, and the dark wizards soon vanished as mysteriously as they had appeared, like a nightmare before the break of day. No evidence remains of the outlandish lunacies that were witnessed on that fateful Walpurgis Night—not even a photograph.

Setken’s March 27 Live Painting Reveal!

My good friend, the artist Setken, will be hosting a live painting reveal online this Friday, March 27 at 8:00 pm Melbourne time! Setken’s work is truly ethereal; his paintings are like windows that open straight to Duat, the realm of the gods. I encourage everyone to check this out!

If you don’t know what 8:00 pm Melbourne Time is in your own time zone, don’t worry, I’ve got you covered:

  • Melbourne Time: 8:00 pm
  • Pacific Time: 2:00 am
  • Mountain Time: 3:00 am
  • Central Time: 4:00 am
  • Eastern Time: 5:00 am
  • UK Time: 9:00 am
  • Western Europe: 10:00 am
  • India Time: 2:30 pm
  • Japan Time: 6:00 pm

Be sure to check Setken’s Instagram page for updates! And here is a link to the video feed:

DUA SET! May the mighty Netjeru help us all to keep healthy, safe, and sane in these anxious times.

The Mighty Hot Dog of Set

Okay, here’s a story that will hopefully cheer somebody up. (Though it might also send some people running.) Back in our twenties—before the Dark Times of Needing to Be Much More Careful What I Eat—me and the Tonester used to cook everything in tons of cayenne, chili powder, and hot sauce. I’m talking burgers, chicken, porkchops, the whole nine yards. If it sat still long enough, we’d spice the fuck out of it. This led to plenty screaming, drinking copious amounts of water, and running to the bathroom (followed by more screaming). But damn if it didn’t taste good, so we kept on eating thermonuclear Godzilla food like that until our bodies just couldn’t take it anymore.

And thus was born the Legend of the Mighty Hot Dog of Set—the Holy Grail of Spicy Hot Dogs, so hot and fiery that even the gods won’t touch it for fear of perpetual diarrhea. Oh, we labored long and hard, trying every recipe (or lab experiment) we could to bring this mystical foodstuff down into the human realm. Alas, the true spell has eluded us all these years, and now we can no longer continue the Quest. (Set, in His wisdom, no doubt occluded the secret from us to keep our damn fool selves alive, and because it was funny to watch us keep trying again.) But we sure did give it a try, and boy did it smart.

I’m alive today, having survived several colonoscopies and proctology exams, to warn each and every one of you that the Mighty Hot Dog of Set is not to be conjured in your kitchen lightly. And to those brave souls who would dare taste What Probably Shouldn’t Be Tasted, just remember: you’d better have all the guts you think you do, ’cause you’re gonna need ’em!

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